Monday, 16 March 2009

Dark Days......

My sweet little boy gave up his fight on Friday night, to say that this has broken my heart would be an understatement. He fought so hard! It's always hard rearing hand raises, but somehow he got to me, I could not and still cannot imagine my life without him. As I write this tears flow down my face......... life can be so cruel!

I have been a mess due to this. We we're booked into Mid Downs show, I was not going to go as I was too upset, and honestly in a state, BUT, I decided to go, to be with people like minded, who would understand. At this point I want to say thank you to my friends, it was really hard, and I'm sorry I spent most of the morning in tears. I ran my dogs poorly and frankly in a daze, but it was better than being at home (I just couldn't face it!). My last run was grade 3 jumping, Hexy was great and won this (which was nice as it was our last grade 3)...........This was a tiny ray of sunshine for me, in a horrendous 48 hours (not to mention at this point I had not been to bed since Weds), sadly my sunshine was very short lived due to some things that were said, which quite honestly hurt and blackened an already crappy day.
I was going to go to WAG on the Sunday, but suddenly didn't want to be with the people I craved the day before, sad how that can happen.

I truly feel there is so much more to life than agility, it isn't the be all and end all, no matter how much you love it, (and believe me I love it but today I would trade all to have my special boy back!!!). One positive thing has come out of my experience at the weekend and that is that next time I feel compelled to say something to somebody I will: 1) make sure it really needs to be said 2) make sure that it is totally just and most importantly 3) consider that perhaps the person I’m about to speak to might just have sad or difficult things going on in their life that I don’t know about.

I now just pray for "Alice" (as she has been nick named), I still will not name her properly as Thursday night I decided on names for them, then I lost my baby the following day, it feels like I'm jinxed, so I will still hold off.

Alice looks like she is going to have Queen Anne legs and a very under shot jaw, bless her


Natalie said...

Big hugs to you hunnie.
People like that are just not worth it, and show to have no consideration what so ever! Heartless!!

Miss you.. Cant wait to see you, Jay and the doglets :) xx

Natalie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hudsondoglets said...

Little 'Alice' is looking good. She will surely have the best chance with you looking after her. Well done on your second win with Hex it was well deserved. I am sorry that your day was spoiled and I'm sorry I wasn't there for the prize giving. I missed the first one as well, just have to make sure I'm there for the next one!

OBay Shelties said...

Congratulations on little Hex's win. I too don't know why people cannot just be nice. I was always taught "if you cannot say anything nice...."
Little Alice will be beautiful.

Hex- 3 weeks - 19 weeks